My fellow Americans and concerned members of the international community:

In the last few months, it has become increasingly apparent that the Bush administration is locked on course for a full-scale military invasion of Iraq. Nothing, it appears, will deter our President and his advisors from such an action...

Our course of action is clear, my friends: We must help this man, and in so doing, help those whose lives will be affected by a full-scale invasion.... We must pool our funds and buy Bush a PlayStation 2.