What the Fuck?

"Nash Bridges" actor Don Johnson is starring in a real-life episode of international intrigue - and he's not at all pleased with the casting.

German customs authorities are investigating Johnson after he was stopped with financial instruments valued at $8 billion, according to published reports. That's right: They say $8 billion.

Officials are trying to discover whether there is a case for a money-laundering probe, a spokesman for the Customs Investigations Office in Cologne told Deutsche Presse-Agentur.

No charges have been filed, but U.S. Customs and tax officials have been told Johnson had a suitcase filled with stock certificates, bonds, credit notes and checks when officials stopped his car at the Swiss-German border in November.

Johnson's rep Elliott Mintz confirmed that the actor went through "a routine border check by customs officials. After a few minutes, they waved the car on."

Mintz told us the former "Miami Vice" star did not have securities. "He does travel with extra cash, but it is unlikely he would have an extra $8 billion," said Mintz. "Don has done well for himself, but not that well."

Mintz added, "If he is under investigation, no one has contacted him."

The German news show "Aspect" reported that, asked why he needed so much money, Johnson allegedly replied: "I am going to buy a car." A customs officer is said to have replied: "With that kind of money, you could buy the factory."