A FISTFUL OF ORPHANS
an all-day movie marathon
Shaun's house, Orphan Day, 2003

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12:00 – 2:00
KIKUJIRO (Kitano, 1999, 116 minutes)
A surly bastard helps a neighbor boy find his mother, who gave him up at birth. They have adventures, some of which happen on a beach. Made by Takeshi Kitano, Japan’s one-man media empire. Think Lee Marvin, David Letterman, Jesus, and, uh, a factory. Nobody gets shot.

2:00-4:00
LOCAL HERO (Forsyth, 1983, 111 minutes)
You’re the one spending Thanksgiving without your family, and you think “Scottish magical realism” sounds weird? Screw you, pal. Gaelic hijinx starring Boon from ANIMAL HOUSE and Denis Lawson, whom you may remember as The Guy From Star Wars That Didn’t Die But Never Really Spoke, Either, And Yet Wasn't Chewbacca.

4:00-5:00
THE BOOK OF LIFE (Hartley, 1999, 63 minutes)
Martin Donovan is Jesus and PJ Harvey—yes, THAT PJ Harvey—is Mary Magdalene, and they’re trying to open the seven seals on New Years Eve, 1999. Then the Devil shows up, played with greasy aplomb by the anti-Donovan, Thomas Jay Ryan. A Japanese lady makes a lot of soup.

6:00-7:30
SALESMAN (The Maysles Brothers, 1969, 91 minutes)
Four door-to-door Bible salesmen—The Rabbit, The Gipper, The Bull, and The Badger— try to hock a fancy bible. One could write something pithy about the commodification of faith or something, but really SALESMAN is here so you can shake off the triptophan dose.

7:30-9:30
PING-PONG (Sori, 2002, 114 minutes)
“Two high school students, Peco and Smile, completely opposite types, with their disruptions, their glories, and their solitude in a world of extreme sport, where small plastic balls travel in a 274 cm x 152.5 cm court at 140 kilometers per hour: ping-pong.” Today you woke up thinking that your ass wouldn’t get rocked by a movie about small plastic balls. You were fuckin’ wrong.

9:30-12:45 or so
ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST (Leone, 1969, 165 minutes)
“He’s whittling a piece of wood,” someone says about Charles Bronson. “I have a feeling that when he stops whittling, something’s going to happen.”

Goddamn right.

Late-Later
Super Special Secret Mystery Extra Credit Christmas Film #1

Later-Early
Super Special Secret Mystery Extra Credit Christmas Film #2