Another idea worth killing for:Chris Nakashima-Brown's Script-Doctoring the Apocalypse, illuminating the ugly truth behind Saddam's tits-and-swords art dealer. It's rife with gems like this:

"Captain Womack has kind of a hard-on for Frodo," explained Dery.

Friedman grabbed a handful of Cool Ranch Doritos and tried to make a dent in one, unsuccessfully.

"Yeah, you could say that," said Womack. "Little fucker's a suicide bomber, as if I'm the only one who noticed. Goddamned Kiwi fellow travelers living down there in their ivory tower On the Beach fantasy island don't understand that we are getting a war on. And the legions of Mordor are the good guys. Wait til the furry little mujahobbiteen blow up their favorite Wellington pub and see how they like that."

Out the window, across the parking lot, a flock of grackle the color of asphalt gathered loudly in a lonely generic tree nestled in the shade of the elevated mixmaster.

"There's a reason we had to make sure they didn't get any real Oscars," added Dery. "Though we still hacked an invite to the New Line party."

"In person," said Womack, "that Liv Tyler is one sorry looking little retard. Especially when she opens her mouth. About as Elven as my uncle Burt. Whose idea was that?"

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Good lookin' out, Cory.