O, To Catch a Predator! Why am I so captivated by you and your charms?

Is it because you provide such utterly guilt-free schadenfreude? Is it because you take the promise of COPS, the embarrassing glimpse at subliterate sex-lives usually the purview of the MISSED CONNECTIONS section of the classifieds, and the real-life oogieness of every kind of reality television and mishmash it up into an orgy of gotcha? Is it Chris Hansen's passionless, Joe Friday-style read-through of The Chat Log? Is it watching would-be pedos get dogpiled by pissed off cops on perfectly manicured lawns?

I don't know. Love is vexing and mysterious and I don't like thinking too much about it.

But I love you, TO CATCH A PREDATOR. You have totally to catched my heart.