The summer jam bummer continues, and this just breaks my heart. The new New Pornographers record CHALLENGERS yawns along like a b-sides collection.

"My Rights Versus Yours" blops along like a song waiting to start. Even when those rhythmic guitar strums kick in around the 1:15 mark it never quite wakes up. This track got leaked a month or so ago and I thought-- uh-oh. It was like seeing Jar-Jar in the PHANTOM MENACE trailer, you know? "All the Old Showtoppers," too, is too pokey and too long. That's the plague of this record-- it's like they've forgotten they were a pop band and have gotten into long mid-tempo WINGS-rock. It's not that long songs are bad but, shit, meandering rambles of song without sway or power doesn’t speak to the New Pornographers’ strengths.

"Challengers" is nice, recalling "These are the Fables" but, honestly, it's because I like Neko Case singing in my ear, and that’s what keeps me here. That the full title might well have been "Challengers of the Unknown" sets my heart going pitter-pat when I think about Neko Case reading Jack Kirby comics.

It's a miracle I ever got laid, let alone married.

"Myriad Harbour" is good. A Dan Bejar jam, too, but what a great take on New York City. How DID those girls all get so pretty? I sort of zone out towards the end like most other Dan Bejar jams but, lord, what a starter. "All the Things that Go to Make Heaven and Earth" gets the heart going. It's the New Pornos you've been waiting for-- Carl and Neko bouncing vocals around. Maybe it frays out some as it goes but, shit, a three minute jam of even modest might is a welcome respite on this record where the band just seems so disconnected from their strengths. My god, CHALLENGERS is their THE SOFT PARADE-- the “departure album.” Don’t depart! Come back! COME BACK!

"Failsafe" has a kind of weird 'Safety Dance' intro? I dunno. But even at 2:40 it feels long, spacey. Like the song hasn't started. There's another song after that that's so vague I forgot to write down the name. "Entering White Cecilia" is next, another Bejar tune, and it's not bad but like the rest of the record has that Sudafed slowhead thing. "Go Places" is nice, yay Neko, but man, who cares? "Mutiny I Promise You" has a funny carnival keyboard but, as it gets started, I keep wondering-- is this the band that made TWIN CINEMA? Is this the same Carl Newman that made THE SLOW WONDER? Is this REALLY the record? How early a release did I get a hold of? Is this the final thing?

"Adventures in Solitude," if it ended at like a minute in, would be a beautiful closer to the album but, instead, it has three more minutes of "things" to "say." The actual closer is the last Bejar song, "The Spirit of Giving" and it feels like a Destroy D-side or something.

I have no reason to ever listen to this record again other than to reconfirm, from time to time, that I have no reason to ever listen to this record again. And, MAN!, that just shocks me. Alas. We’ll always have TWIN CINEMA.